Mindfulness

I sat in my car waiting my turn. The parking lot was busy, so I focused on my breathing. 

In, out

Deep, slow 

Calm, ease

Smile, release

Present moment, wonderful moment 

I wasn’t in a rush to get anywhere, but I noticed how busy the parking lot was. People rushed anxiously in and out of the gym.  Cars paced hopelessly in search of a vacancy.  I felt something looking down at me. 

Looking up and out my window I saw a woman. Her eyes were dark with rage. Her fists where frustrated and pointing right at me. I lost count as her angry words came crashing into her window. Then the weird thing happened.

I did nothing. 

I didn’t flinch. I didn’t respond. I barely even blinked an eye. I sat in my driver’s seat like a hollow reed. My mind was steady. I knew she was trying to tell me something, but it must not have been important. She hadn’t even bothered to roll down her window. 

My lack of reaction an unusual steadiness in this situation later led me to pause for reflection. My life has been really good lately. Classes are done. Work has slowed down. I’m reading books, taking yoga classes. I’m finally doing things to fulfill me. 

People always tell you how important it is to take care of yourself.  To have a healthy lifestyle, you must first be happy within. To have an honest, loving relationship, you must first love yourself. I’ve always believed these words to be true, but believing something and feeling it are two totally different things. Taking care of yourself and living happily within gives you more space to live freely. 

You’re worth the time.  

Freedom

Freedom

My ninety year-old Oma poured her heart out to me today. She may not have always been the best mother, sister, or friend but I believe her spirit is pure. She cried to me in concern for her children. I imagine this is something all mothers do. She told me the story of how she and her late husband, Frank, fell in love. She chuckled that she loved him most for his frank qualities. He was an honest man and always told the truth. I imagine this is how he loved her for so long.

Then she began to tell her favorite story, of how different she was from the rest of the children growing up. Usually when she tells these stories she speaks light heartedly of how she’d share stories or speak in German for the other schoolchildren. Only this time her stories felt more honest. She described how she struggled to fit in as a child. How she had always felt different from everybody else. She says in Poland she was taught to pretend to be German to protect her family’s freedom; their right to live. When her family immigrated she had to pretend to understand what it meant to be American. She didn’t just have learn a new language and culture, but to accept the freedoms that come with being American. To have the freedom of speech, religion and freewill. To express emotions openly. These she says were the things that made her life difficult and that made her feel so different from everybody else.

There is a famous quote that says with great freedom also comes responsibility. I believe this to be true. Especially if you can see that freedom is something inside of you, a way you choose to be. If accepted, it can empower you to make choices that are congruent with your beliefs and values. It invites you to embrace your most difficult and self-defeating thoughts. Freedom allows you to dream big, yet to live for each moment of the day. None of these are easy things for to do and I can see how difficult it must have been for my Oma.

The conversation I had with my Oma today is one of many that I will remember for a lifetime. We cried. We laughed. We listened and heard one another. While she may not have made life easy for her loved ones her spirit is genuine. I am thankful that she survived her upbringing so that she could give birth to the child that would become the strongest most patient and resilient woman that I am happy to call my Mother.

I challenge you to see that freedom is not something that is given to you by someone or something. Rather, it is a choice you make. Everyday. Great things grow from people who choose to live free. I am eternally grateful for that.

The Brighter Side

It's hard to stay balanced when darkness overshadows light. Yet, I know this isn't me. I'm the "see better", "look deeper", "try harder", personality - not the negative, "why me?". So, I turned to a song, to remind me:

You're only as tall as your heart will let you be.
You're only as small as the world may make you seem.
When the going gets rough, and you feel like you may fall,
just look on the brightside and you're roughly six feet tall.


I'm quickly reminded of what I told one of my student's just today, "The greatest thing about life is that you are in control of you. You decide what you want, and how bad you want it. You decide how you're going to respond in any given situation. You decide what to put energy into. This may not make sense to you yet, but some day you'll see that you can decide what becomes of you."

Maybe I thought for a minute I was talking to myself, or maybe the universality of experiencing moments of uncertainty and confusion was crying out, but either way, I know that I must believe this for my own well being. To stay balanced I must recognize my losses, accept my realities and embrace each opportunity as it comes. This is the extent to my control.

It is a work in process, and for the day by day challenges I seek the Serenity Prayer:

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Que Sera, Sera

On my way home from work today I found myself belting out an old tune my mother used to sing to me by Doris Day.

Que Sera, Sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que Sera, Sera.


I can honestly say, this has been the greatest moment of my week. After being sick for almost a week and putting a lot of energy into a project at work, nothing feels better then to sit still and say, "Que sera, sera".

I trust in my future, and that whatever will be will be. This song reminds me to take one moment at a time, and that I must learn from yesterday, hope for the future, but live for Today.

Now, for the encore, accompanied by my dearest friend, Sir Pino Noir...

Making Choices

I've never been good at saying, 'No'. I've also always believed that there is nothing that I can't do, and that the more I can do, the better a person I am. These things I know are no longer true.

Instead, it is important to make choices. The more wisely you choose to commit the more fully you can be present. The more reasonable you fill your schedule the more you can enjoy each minute, without always thinking about what is next. This is the greatest lesson that I've learned through the art of juggling multiple roles and I strive never to forget it. Every day.

It takes a constant commitment to remain fully present in each moment of the day and I'm still working towards mastering this art. On the days that I do, I breathe much more easily and find rewards around every corner.

What about you? What do you maintain your balance?

Early to Rise...

I got up an hour earlier than usual today and it is amazing how great my day was. I was focused, calm and productive... all day!

Benjamin Franklin may have been right on when he said, "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise." Even though I know what he meant was Woman!

A glass of tea and to bed for me. Going to see how long I can keep this routine up. Any wagers?

Today

Found this in an old journal of mine... Thought it would be a good first post on this beautiful sunny day! It reminds me to slow down and enjoy all the little moments in the day.

Today

Look around you.

Life is Beautiful.

Smile; breathe easy.

Focus on the small things.

Let the natural rhythm of your heart guide your way.

Believe that serenity will find you.

Don't let life slip away with the clutter that makes one day TODAY.